One of the most challenging parts of supervision is to give feedback that is helpful rather than harmful to the people we support.
In last week’s article, we walked through how to determine what to do when someone is having an issue with performance or behavior. But what if you’ve decided to discuss the subject, and don’t know how to do it in an effective way?
Let’s explore what effective feedback is, and how to ensure you’re delivering your message in a manner that makes it useful.
Giving feedback effectively means communicating in a way that will bring about the desired result. In other words, the behavior will change in a positive way as a result of the conversation and the working relationship will be strengthened.
I like to think about feedback coming in one of two methods: constructive or destructive. Constructive feedback is uplifting and motivational; destructive feedback tears down and demotivates.
Since these two are opposite ends of the same stick, let’s look at the elements that will determine which end you’re on.
1. Your Intention
Take time before the conversation to get clear on your motivation. Why do you want to have this discussion?
Is the reason for telling the person your thoughts intended to make them feel bad as punishment or is it to help them improve in the future?
Do you care about this person and respect him/her as a human with strengths and weaknesses or do you wish they weren’t part of your team?
Your answers to these questions will come across in the words you chose and your non-verbal communication such as your tone of voice.
Make sure your intentions are positive before you begin the discussion to ensure it is constructive.
2. Underlying Emotions
If you find yourself wanting the person to feel bad and wishing they would leave the team, check your emotions. If you’re feeling irritated and angry, things may be too raw.
Wait until you cool down and then think about your intentions again. Sometimes it takes getting into the right emotional state of mind before you can see what the person has to add to the team.
Even when in a calm, positive state of mind when starting a conversation, if the person reacts defensively, it can trigger those initial negative emotions all over again.
Stay on the emotional high road. If you raise your voice or take on an irritated tone, the conversation is doomed to be destructive.
Spend some time thinking through how you’ll respond if the person reacts emotionally to the feedback. Focus on steadying your breathing and acknowledging their emotions will go a long way toward keeping both of you calm and the conversation productive.
3. What’s the Focus?
Make sure the person understands that they are not inherently flawed because they made a mistake or did something differently than you needed to be done. It’s that feeling that can make feedback destructive.
Choose words that make it clear you’re talking not about the person, but their actions and results. When you do this, the feedback will be easier to absorb.
Also, remember that the vast majority of performance issues can be attributed to systems or processes.
When you enter the conversation with that perspective, the other person will understand that you are looking for a solution to a problem versus a person to put on the chopping block.
4. Two or One-Way
Lectures are destructive; conversations are constructive. Clearly explain the situation and then be open to listening to the other person’s version of what happened or explanation of why it happened.
Often, less equals more. So speak less and listen more. When you do speak, ask questions rather than making statements. These two aspects create an open dialogue, which is a key trait of constructive feedback.
Discuss the issues in private to ensure the person feels secure and comfortable. If approached in front of others, feedback becomes embarrassing and destructive.
It may seem that this one would go without saying, but more often than not, these conversations happen in earshot of others. Supervisors don’t want to make a “big deal” about the issue by asking to speak with the person privately.
But getting feedback, no matter how minor, in front of other people is definitely a “big deal”. Don’t do it…. ever.
Once you’ve thought through the five points above, consider one last thing. Make sure your words land softly and clearly.
The goal of constructive feedback is not to water down the feedback to the point at which the person cannot understand that they are accountable for their performance. If you do that, the feedback is no longer effective.
Remember that you can be clear and still be kind!
How do you ensure your feedback is constructive?
Please share in the comment section below what things you do to make sure your feedback is productive.
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